"That’s one of the first things that I remember actually happening out of all the entries. Mom and Paul’s wedding that is. I had no idea how badly it affected Dad."

Duffy and Louis strolled through the hospital car park on their way from the administration block, where Duffy’s office was situated, to the staff canteen.

"Charlie was very good at hiding his feelings. He’d bottle everything up, concentrate on work or other peoples problems rather than deal with his own. It could be so infuriating sometimes. I’d hear him telling some bereaved relative that it’s better to talk to someone than to try to cope alone, but that’s always exactly what he did. He’d rather get drunk than face up to things." Louis could see that it really did upset Duffy to think of Charlie being miserable and not doing anything about it. It showed that she really was the true friend that Charlie always described her as.

"You really did know him well didn’t you." It was more a remark than a question; the answer was obvious.

"As well as he let anyone know him. When it comes down to it he was a pretty private man."

"He was open in his writing…"

"Yeah, at least he had some outlet for his feelings" They continued into the building and got into a lift. Duffy thought silently about the few letters that they exchanged over the early years of their separation. Charlie’s letters to her were more like postcards or the memos that he left lying around his office for her when they worked opposite shifts. They said the basics, ‘weather’s cold, apartment’s OK, Louis’s grown’ they never went into any detail. Duffy always replied in kind, when she had time to reply at all. She’d never felt particularly bad about it though, assuming that if there were anything wrong he would have said. She took his letters at face value, and now she was kicking herself that she didn’t recognise that there was something wrong.

She wished that she’d told him that she missed him too.

"So what was he like as a boss then?" Louis asked as they sat down at one of the canteen tables. Duffy felt herself smile as all the memories of them working together flooded back.

"The best. He was fair, he wasn’t afraid to muck in with the rest of us. And he was always approachable when you had a problem" Unlike his replacement, Duffy thought.

Charlie’s replacement had been a startlingly efficient woman who had no time for pleasantries. She was a ferocious cross between Patrick and Eve. Duffy had taken an instant dislike to her, though whether that was due to her attitude or just because she wasn’t Charlie was a matter of some debate amongst the other staff.

"He hated his job in Canada. I knew that much even at the time. But he always seemed to be trying harder to make that work than he did trying to be a good Dad."

"Maybe it seemed like that but I’m sure it wasn’t really that way." Louis looked at her incredulously for a second, then the look softened.

"Yeah, well. I didn’t want to stay with him during Mom’s honeymoon because I didn’t want to be left with baby-sitters and neighbours while he worked. I would rather have gone on vacation; they went to Florida you know. I was seven; of course I wanted to go play on the beach. I didn’t mean to hurt him like that. I’ve never thought he was a monster… I shoulda said something, but I was only little, I couldn’t explain."

It seemed clear to Duffy, none of them had said what they really felt, but in the end it was Charlie who suffered the most from it. A wave of grief washed over her as she sat, staring at Charlie’s image. He was managing to explain himself to them from beyond the grave. They’d never be able to explain their feelings to him. It just wasn’t fair.

The pair ate in silence for a while. It was a long time since Duffy had eaten in the staff canteen. She had given up nursing a few years previously and gone into management. Everyone at the time had accused her of selling out but she preferred to think of it as being like a man on the inside, a spy, and in truth had done enough to help the department that they started to think of her like that too. Management got clearly defined lunch hours, so Duffy could usually pop out and do some shopping, or make it all the way to one of the nice coffee shops on the high street. But seeing as she’d agreed to meet Louis staying in the hospital seemed sensible, so the canteen it was.

"I really appreciate you giving up so much of your free time to talk to me" Louis said quietly, as if never having had to thank someone for such a thing before.

"My pleasure. I hope that I’m being of some help, I’d hate to think that you wasted your time travelling all the way over here."

"Sure you are." She hadn’t really told him anything he hadn’t already known, but Louis always worked on the principle of being able to tell a lot about a person by the friends they’ve had. And Duffy seemed a caring, warm and intelligent person.

"And I should also thank you properly for yesterday’s meal"

"Everyone said how much they enjoyed your company. Especially Andie." Duffy watched for Louis’s response, he seemed slightly uncomfortable but there was something else as well, Duffy didn’t know how to describe it, but she felt certain that he must feel the same about Andie as she did about him.

"I don’t think Peter liked me much!" Louis said, trying hard to change the subject.

"Peter…Well Peter thinks he has to protect the family from strangers. He only does it because he cares, but I’m sure that he didn’t dislike you." Louis looked unconvinced but decided to let the matter drop.

"So …do you intend on asking Andie out?"

Louis nearly choked on his meal, just what had Andie said to her mother that could prompt a question like that? He tried hard to read her mind. Was she actually suggesting that he did? He hadn’t thought about it before but perhaps he had been giving off the impression that there was more to his friendship with Andie then there actually was.

"I er…Well, I er…?" He said hesitantly, not sure how to proceed.

"Oh, she’d be ever so disappointed if you didn’t"

She really doesn’t understand, thought Louis. He couldn’t ask her out. Or he could but it would be pretty pointless. She just wasn’t his type.

As far as Duffy was concerned there was no one better for Andie to see. She knew that Louis had been brought up well, even if she didn’t think a lot of Baz as a person, she couldn’t fault her as a mother. And he certainly seemed every bit as nice as Charlie was. Duffy liked the idea of Louis and Andie picking up where she and Charlie had left off.

"I dunno. I do like her Mrs Bower…" he paused while he tried to figure out how best to explain that, whilst he thought she was a very lovely girl, that was precisely the problem, she was a girl. He had noticed that even in the supposedly enlightened year of 2018 some people still had a problem with homosexuality and he wasn’t totally sure how Duffy would react.

"Good, because she likes you. Why don’t you come around and see her tonight?" Louis wasn’t sure that it was a good idea but nodded anyway. Maybe it would be easier to explain himself to Andie. He just hoped that it hadn’t already got too far out of hand.

Duffy entered her living room and flung her bag onto the floor before flopping exhaustedly onto the sofa.

"Tough day?" Andie asked as she wandered in from the kitchen.

"I’ve got the board of trustees screaming at me in one ear, a bunch of doctors and nurses screaming in the other and there’s no way on earth that I’m going to be able to satisfy everyone. Remind me why I took this job again" She managed a feeble laugh and rubbed her forehead.

"Because you like to help people, and you can make a difference where you are now." Andie answered as she sat down beside her. Duffy wasn’t quite so sure and had to keep reminding herself of her triumphs in order to stop her from jacking it in.

"Charlie would be turning in his grave if he could see me now!" She thought about the sentence. It still didn’t feel quite right to think of Charlie being dead. There were times when she half expected to see him wandering around the hospital.

"Why do you say that?"

"Charlie was always having run-ins with management. He seemed to view them, I suppose I should say ‘us’, as the enemy. He taught me just about everything that I know, nursing wise. I don’t think he’d be too impressed that I gave it up." She sighed a heavy sigh.

"Well it’s your life, not his"

"I know" Duffy thought back to how close she and Charlie had been. Their lives had been so inter-linked back then that she would have disputed the accuracy of Andie’s statement at one point. But over the last several years it had become true; their lives had grown too far apart. She decided to try to change the subject.

"I saw Louis today. He said he’d come by to see you this evening" Andie’s face lit up.

"Really, he said that?"

"Yes, and he also said that he liked you" Duffy was pleased to be the bearer of news that made her daughter so happy.

"Did he say when? I have to find something to wear…" She jumped up, Duffy patted the seat she’d just arisen from.

"Sit down, it won’t be for a while yet," Andie dutifully slumped back into the chair, "first I want to know what happened when you two went out yesterday"

"We went up to the park, we were talking, then Peter came along. That’s it." She wasn’t sure how her Mum would react if she knew that they’d nearly kissed.

"What did you talk about?"

"Stuff. He said he missed his Dad, asked if I missed mine." Andie shrugged, it all seemed like unimportant detail to her, nothing to warrant her mother’s interest.

"Do you? Miss your Dad, I mean?" Duffy knew that her son’s did but Andie never having known him made it a very different situation.

"I didn’t know him so how could I? But I suppose that I do sometimes miss having a Dad. Mum? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can darling"

"Why did you never get remarried?"

It was a question that had come up a few times from various people over the years. She always said that she’d had too much to cope with what with the children and work and hadn’t had time to pursue any serious relationships. She had a few not so serious ones, which usually ended pretty swiftly when the guy in question found out the extent of her emotional baggage. But the truth was that she lost the only two men that she ever truly loved within a few months of each other and had never quite recovered.

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust men anymore. After everything that had happened in her life she was constantly surprised by how much she did trust some men. It was more that she knew she couldn’t love someone else properly until she’d said her final goodbye to Andrew, and to Charlie. It had taken her a long time to get over Andrew’s tragic death, but there was a finality to it that helped her heal. Somewhere in the back of her mind, untouched by conscious thought but nevertheless still powerful, Duffy wondered if one day Charlie would come back to her. There was too much unfinished business between them. No man since had been able to make Duffy as happy, or made her feel as safe and cared about. And with each failure Charlie’s pedestal grew a little higher.

"Just haven’t found the right guy, darling," she said as casually as possible. Andie seemed to accept that and Duffy was glad she wouldn’t have to go into it further.

"Well go on then!" Duffy said after a brief pause.

"Go on what?"

"Get ready for when Louis comes!" Andie remembered what her Mum was talking about, leapt up and nearly fell over herself in her excitement to get out of the room. Duffy watched her enthusiastic exit with a broad smile.

At least, she thought, she’s having a better time with men than I did.

The fact that the man in question was Charlie’s son just served to make the whole situation better. Duffy could never have had Charlie, she knew that, but at least Andie would get to be happy with Louis.