Contact Me

__Fiction: Slash

The Night Before Christmas

Date: 18/12/04
Main characters: Archer, Tucker/Reed
Rating: G.
Warning: None
Spoilers: None
Archive: Warp 5 complex. Anyone else, sure, if you want it just let me know.
Beta: I don't have one! All constructive criticism is therefore most welcome.
Summary: Reworking of the classic poem 'The Night Before Christmas' by Clement Clarke Moore. Malcolm hears an intriguing sound on Christmas Eve.
A/N: Between the original poem and the Star Trek universe I am only responsible for a handful of words in this - And they'd be the ones that don't rhyme. This is purely for fun not profit of any form.


'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship

Not a creature was stirring, not even dear Trip;

Delta shift were on watch, not a thing to report;

This festive time quiet, or so I had thought;

The crew were all nestled so snug in their beds,

While visions of shore-leaves danced in their heads;

Trip and I, curled up comfy, his head at my neck,

Had just settled down after Christmas Eve sex,

When outside the cabin I heard a weird clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away from my lover, I flew to the door,

And was out in the hallway while I left Trip to snore.

With no weapon to hand, I prowled close to the wall

And stalked a strange noise down the dimly-lit hall,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and a tiny... reindeer?

Good grief! Not a reindeer, but a beagle with antlers,

I knew in a moment that Archer'd gone crackers!

As loyal as ever the poor doggy came,

And the captain he whistled, and called him by name;

"Now Porthos, come on now, we're only half-way!

On Porthos, dear beagle, we don't have all day!

Just how does St. Nick do the world in one night?"

Well, perhaps with less bourbon and a little foresight.

As I watched from a distance they continued their rounds,

Archer gallivanting with exuberant bounds,

So all around Enterprise the two of them flew

With a sleigh full of presents for all of the crew.

Then, all of a sudden they turned back my way,

And I felt rather silly for watching them play.

As I drew round the corner, and was turning around,

Down the hallway our Jonathan came with a bound.

He was dressed in full uniform, but o'er it a cape,

Trimmed with white fur; red from the deck to his nape;

A bag full of presents was flung on his back,

And he looked so peculiar just holding the sack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! I knew he'd been drinking,

His cheeks were like roses, his nose too was pinking!

I wish I'd a camera to capture this show,

He wore a cotton-wool beard as white as fresh snow!

He looked quite the fool, but I suppose it was sweet,

The trouble he'd gone to to give us a treat;

He placed a small present at the foot of each door,

He was only half done, there were still plenty more.

I couldn't help thinking T'Pol'd make a great elf,

And I laughed right out loud, in spite of myself;

Oops. A wink of his eye, a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went on with his work,

Leaving parcels by doors; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

He swayed back and forth on the pads of his toes,

Then toppled straight over, landing with such a thunk,

That I had call to Phlox to come rescue the drunk.

So I took up his sack. Said, hoping he'd be alright,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night".



Disclaimer: I do not, never have and sadly never will, own Trip, Malcolm, anyone aboard Enterprise, mentioned on Enterprise or the Star Trek universe as a whole. Or my own home, but that's another matter. All fic is for fun, so please don't sue.