The Night Before Christmas
Main characters: Archer, Tucker/Reed
Archive: Warp 5 complex. Anyone else, sure, if you want it just let me know.
Beta: I don't have one! All constructive criticism is therefore most welcome.
Summary: Reworking of the classic poem 'The Night Before Christmas' by Clement Clarke Moore. Malcolm hears an intriguing sound on Christmas Eve.
A/N: Between the original poem and the Star Trek universe I am only responsible for a handful of words in this - And they'd be the ones that don't rhyme. This is purely for fun not profit of any form.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
Not a creature was stirring, not even dear Trip;
Delta shift were on watch, not a thing to report;
This festive time quiet, or so I had thought;
The crew were all nestled so snug in their beds,
While visions of shore-leaves danced in their heads;
Trip and I, curled up comfy, his head at my neck,
Had just settled down after Christmas Eve sex,
When outside the cabin I heard a weird clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away from my lover, I flew to the door,
And was out in the hallway while I left Trip to snore.
With no weapon to hand, I prowled close to the wall
And stalked a strange noise down the dimly-lit hall,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and a tiny... reindeer?
Good grief! Not a reindeer, but a beagle with antlers,
I knew in a moment that Archer'd gone crackers!
As loyal as ever the poor doggy came,
And the captain he whistled, and called him by name;
"Now Porthos, come on now, we're only half-way!
On Porthos, dear beagle, we don't have all day!
Just how does St. Nick do the world in one night?"
Well, perhaps with less bourbon and a little foresight.
As I watched from a distance they continued their rounds,
Archer gallivanting with exuberant bounds,
So all around Enterprise the two of them flew
With a sleigh full of presents for all of the crew.
Then, all of a sudden they turned back my way,
And I felt rather silly for watching them play.
As I drew round the corner, and was turning around,
Down the hallway our Jonathan came with a bound.
He was dressed in full uniform, but o'er it a cape,
Trimmed with white fur; red from the deck to his nape;
A bag full of presents was flung on his back,
And he looked so peculiar just holding the sack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! I knew he'd been drinking,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose too was pinking!
I wish I'd a camera to capture this show,
He wore a cotton-wool beard as white as fresh snow!
He looked quite the fool, but I suppose it was sweet,
The trouble he'd gone to to give us a treat;
He placed a small present at the foot of each door,
He was only half done, there were still plenty more.
I couldn't help thinking T'Pol'd make a great elf,
And I laughed right out loud, in spite of myself;
Oops. A wink of his eye, a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went on with his work,
Leaving parcels by doors; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He swayed back and forth on the pads of his toes,
Then toppled straight over, landing with such a thunk,
That I had call to Phlox to come rescue the drunk.
So I took up his sack. Said, hoping he'd be alright,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night".